New Glasses for Jacob

Our cute little superhero got his new glasses last week. I was worried we would be spending our days putting them back on after he tore them off, but he's been pretty good about it and submits cheerfully to them. They just get so dirty that I wonder if it's better to be able to see 'through a dirty glass' or not have them at all. They seem to be fixing the cross-eyedness, ......at least I think so. We'll see what the doc says in a couple of months. Sorry this is so blurry, something's wrong with my webcam camera and my other camera was dropped at Angels Landing---so there weren't a lot of options to choose from to take the picture!

Assume the good and doubt the bad....and what about the HOW?

I stumbled upon this message of Elder Holland (yes, Elder Holland again---I think he speaks just to me!) that was especially poignant today since I was having one of my 'martyr moments'---I'm sure noone other than me ever has those, so I'll describe a little of my shining qualities that I possess when these occur:

*I usually haven't had much sleep when these occur and I'm really ticked off that my better half thinks he's 'tired' because he only got 5 or 6 hours of sleep and needs a 'nap' (even after sleeping through church)

*I do all of the household chores that I've put off all week at breakneck speed and defy anyone to try and keep up with me, so that I can finish them all 'alone' and look with loathing at my 'napping' husband

*I roll my eyes at comments that I think are 'childish' and 'boring'

*I remind him of all of the things that he didn't accomplish that day, that I think he should have done, as I virtuously check off my list of tasks accomplished in my mind (of course, I know why I didn't accomplish the ones that didn't get done---there were some very good reasons!)

*I bristle at any criticism that he makes of me and remind him for the umpteenth time of all the sacrifices I have made for him and how I think he should have made my life better

*I mentally start down the road of 'what ifs..........'

Okay, I probably don't need to describe any other lovely details of these stellar moments, I'm sure I've painted the picture quite well. Anyway, in the midst of this depressive mood I came upon this video of Elder Holland and thought that I'd listen to it just so I could writhe a little bit more in my 'martyrness'---so I could feel bad that I've been so mistreated by the one who should love me most.

The first thing that struck me was the "HOW". I'd never thought about 'HOW' I show love? I'd usually thought of this line by E.B. Browning as the "what great ways do I prove that I love you." Anyway, the "HOW" got me thinking, actually I realized that I NEVER think about the HOW----I don't even consider that I should have to do it!

And then another line grabbed me-----'Assume the good and doubt the bad. I'm pretty sure that I do just the reverse----'Doubt the good and assume the worst.' It was a wake up call to me----so, here's the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eM3mlgLAlMs&NR=1

And here are the HOW's that my sweet husband has shown me:

*Did I mention loading the dishwasher at night? He does it methodically nearly EVERY night.

*He always checks the washing machine and puts the load in the dryer, since I notoriously forget and then have stinky wash

*He can make anything work longer then it's life expectancy----vacuum cleaners, hair dryers, he can work his magic!

*He picks me up at the DI because I locked my keys in the car and he finds a policeman to get the car open and then goes and makes copies of the keys so I won't get stranded again-----he never belittles or asks 'why' I did it

*When he stands quietly in the grocery store for 45 minutes while I try to figure out my couponing scheme----he never says "Maybe you should be a bit more organized before shopping....?"

*He goes camping to Zion's with me at the last minute during Spring Break......even though he HATES camping and can't really afford to take the time off. Then he lets me pick the camping spot, but does all the dirty work (tent up, fire, making hot dog sticks, etc.)

*He cleans up the throw up all over the bathroom from a child in the middle of the night when I've been pregnant because the smell makes me throw up as well

*He spends his 4th of July looking for inner tubes for 22 people+ to float the Bear River because I had the great idea to invite everyone to float the river, but not a clue on how to find enough tubes for them all

*He wears his red turtleneck sweater for Christmas Eve dinner because he knows it's important to me to 'look' festive and dressed up, even though he hates the shirt

*He puts lights up at Christmas, even though he's morally and ethically opposed to it (well, opposed to it for some reason)

*He buys and fills up a cooler of food and treats for me and some clothes while I stayed at McKay-Dee Hospital with Jacob

*He brings me strawberries, even when they're not on sale

*He spends his Christmas vacation working on our 'new' car that's not working so that we can drive down and spend time with my family for New Year's

*He plants currents on my Dad's farm that I volunteered to plant-----especially since I have no clue about how to do it, even after it's been explained to me

*He goes to the Temple with me, even when there's still 'daylight' outside and he could still be 'farming'

Yes, I can see HOW he loves me......I've got a ways to go on HOW I love him. And I think life would look a whole lot different to both of us if I would:

ASSUME THE GOOD AND DOUBT THE BAD!

Easter Message

This is a beautiful dramatization of Elder Holland's conference talk. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpFhS0dAduc

Inspirational minute and half

I love this clip entitled Create----it will inspire you and make you feel good about spending time 'creating'----blogs, scrapbooking, writing, caring for your family, pursuing your talents.....it's great. Here's the link:
http://broadcast.lds.org/video/create/RS_2009_02_00_Create_HD_eng_.wmv

Prelude to Spring Break

Well, all I have to say about this week is WOW----we made it through! Hallelujah! There were a few days there when I thought everything might fall apart, but thankfully, we made it to Spring Break and here we are, recovering!

Joseph finished his play-----thank you, thank you to Grandmother and Papa Joe for trekking all the way back up here just to see him perform. He did a great job! He had yet ANOTHER orchestra concert the next night----I think he's a little over orchestra at the moment and needs a BIG BREAK! He's been out running and trying to get back into shape for Track and Soccer.

(We could really use some DRY days around here so that everyone could stay OUTSIDE for awhile and get some exercise! But, I'm sure we'll be grateful for the moisture when it's the middle of July!)

Samuel presented his Congressional Hearing program on Wednesday---he did a great job on his speech and answered the questions very confidently. Plus he looked very handsome. I'd post a picture if I'd remembered my camera that night----where was my brain!?!

I was very late to Samuel's program because I'd been to Pocatello that day for an eye appointment for Jacob and we had some car problems on the way back. Actually, I'd convinced my Mother-in-law to come with me to Pocatello, because I didn't want to go alone with both little boys. At the last minute, she called and asked if Scott could come with since he was going stir crazy in the house (it was snowing it's head off outside). Well, I think Scott was very inspired to go stir crazy at just that minute, because if he hadn't been with us in Pocatello, I probably wouldn't have made it home and I would have had a really awful day instead of just a kind of little terrible couple of minutes. Thank you so much for going with us and saving the day!

We found out this week at the Eye doctor's that Jacob is going to need to start wearing glasses. His far-sightedness is getting a little worse, plus his eyes are starting to cross because of this. So Friday we took him in to see what kind of glasses we are going to have to try and keep on our cute little bug---this should be fun! There was a big whopping one choice of frames----but they were plastic and the lenses are also plastic and they are strapped together around the head----this is good. Only, Jacob looks like a superhero in a mask with them on----they were little white round frames. When I asked if they came in any other colors, the lady suggested blue or pink----wow, just what I would pick! I actually thought going with the white would probably be the best option from these choices, but she convinced me to try the blues, saying they were "so cute." We'll see---I have her word that she'll swap me out the white frames if I absolutely hate the blue! (I'm prepared to hate the blue!)

Here's cute little Jacob in his favorite 'ducky' tub chewing on the scrubber! I wonder if he'll have to wear glasses in the tub? This could be interesting!

Benjamin did a great job on his "Flubber" science project. He was very excited about it and enjoyed putting the whole thing together. The 3rd grade teachers are getting smarter, though. They required that the science projects be at the school a full day before they were displayed. There went my usual plan of last minute preparations and Benjamin was sad that I didn't keep him home the day before his project, like I did with Samuel. So, even if the teachers are getting sneakier, it was nice to have it finished early!

Benjamin testing out his "Flubber"

David took a bunch of AR tests at school and was quite impressed that we finally made it through "Junie B, First Grader...." Me too! since I kept falling asleep everytime I was reading it to him. Even though he usually reads the books himself, when I'm there to help him take the AR tests, he insists that I read the book again before he takes the test. So, at top speed, I race through the book and hope that Mrs. Clark, his teacher, doesn't think I'm over there helping David 'cheat' on his test. I'll be SO GLAD when he can take his own AR tests!

We've decided that Jonathan is addicted to videos----this is a bitter sweet dilemma. It's nice that I can entertain him so easily some days when things are hectic, but I don't know if it's worth the drama when I make him turn off the TV or I 'break' the TV (unplug the VCR from it) so he can't watch it. Poor kid----he's been having some serious withdrawal pains today! Oh, please HURRY Spring! Where ARE YOU!?!

I learned a lesson of my own today. I have been trying to get my Sunday morning routine down so that I can quit being the last one to church. Thank heavens Scott, my father-in-law, picks up the older boys 30 minutes before church starts so that I have a few minutes to get ready and get Jacob in the car. Well, since we went to the Temple yesterday and got back pretty late last night, there were some missing items as far as clothing goes this morning and a missing bottle----the worst crisis of all! So as I hunted for the bottle and Jacob's pants, tearing the house apart in my wake, I was getting pretty stressed that I was missing part of Sacrament meeting. So after awhile of fruitless searching I just decided, what the heck, I was already late, I'd just take my time getting there. Well.......the Jepsen's were speaking today and I absolutely love hearing them speak and one of my voice students was singing on the program. So, I missed the song and a lot of the talks. I could have kicked myself! That is it, I think I wil just put everyone to bed in their clothes, myself included, on Saturday night and then I will make sure that I am ready FIRST so that I can dash out the door and throw the boys in the car without waking them up. Well, I've got to at least try.....! But I don't want to miss a program like that again!

Alternative Potty Training amongst other things......

I have been thinking about writing this post for the past week----mostly because I don't want to forget how funny or messed up life is----it just depends on how you look at it.

Jonathan has been 'potty trained' for at least 3 months. He seemed quite impressed with himself and his new found status as a 'big boy.' But lately, it seems, that being a 'big boy' just doesn't have quite enough perks.

I first noticed this when I had a rash of 3 or 4 days together after Christmas when Jonathan would wet or mess his pants immediately after putting them back on after using the 'potty.' So we went back to treats, books, heavy praise and finally some cold wash offs (since he was enjoying his warm baths way too much----and 5 a day was getting a little expensive!).

After doing a 'diaper' shopping trip, I noticed that Jonathan had opened all of the Huggies size 4 diapers (that I was saving) in Jacob's room and filled his drawers with them. I guess he just couldn't resist the Tigger images stamped on each one and figured Jacob could spare a few. The next week when some diapers came that I had ordered with Mickey Mouse stamped on each diaper, he about had a nervous breakdown trying to figure out how to hide them in his room.

So, I humored Jonathan for a few days, thinking that he was just having a 'big boy' crisis and wanted to be babied for a bit. I let him put the diapers on, but still made him make regular trips to the 'potty.' He had somewhat of a problem trying to figure out how to put the diaper back on by himself. But, all was solved when he discovered that Mom also had some Pull-ups stashed away in Jacob's closet.

So, here we are-----Jonathan's alternative potty routine: He hops out of bed in the morning and immediately changes the pull-up himself before I know he's awake, so that I don't force him to put on 'underwear'. As soon as he takes off the pull-up he comes upstairs for a sack, asks me to 'knot it' and takes it out to the trash. If by chance he has an 'accident' in his pull-ups, he locks himself in the bathroom and uses about 50 wipes to clean himself up and then asks for a sack to put the mess in and promptly dumps it in the trash can outside.

So.......what's a Mom to do? I can either accept his 'alternative potty training' method or keep fighting him with the 'real' underwear----which means more screaming, fit throwing, baths, and clean-up for me. It's a hard decision----especially for one as lazy as me----choosing the path of least resistance definitely brings more peace. I just hope he decides to go with underwear before he gets to Junior High....that could be interesting-----I wonder if they make Tigger Huggies in size XXXL?

Here is a brief update on the rest of us:

****Joseph is finishing up his play this week----Oliver was great and the pit orchestra was amazing, it really filled out the play! Great job guys! Joseph also passed his Eagle Board of Review after much drilling-----more then Joseph or his friend Jake counted on, I'm sure-----Congratulations, Joseph! He's trying to fit Track practice into his driving schedule now---with the play over soon, he should have more time to be at practice.

****Samuel passed off all of his swimming requirements for his First Class Scout rank and is now working on his Swimming merit badge requirements. He quite enjoyed the part of making his clothes into flotation devices and his scout leaders were amazed at his endurance in the water! Samuel is also presenting a 5th Grade Program this month that is patterned after the Congressional Hearings and is entitled "We the people...." He's also been invited to play his Bass with the High School Orchestra when they present a suite of "Star Wars" music.

*****Benjamin is getting ready to present his 3rd Grade Science Project this Friday. We tried and tried all weekend to get his project to work. It sounded easy----make an electrical zapper by creating static electricity-----but do you think we could get that thing to work? We even followed 2 different experiments that should have created the same effect and neither worked! I told him to just have someone drag their feet across the carpet and touch the door handle and they'd for sure get a spark. But Ben's sure that the project is a lame duck and he wants a new one. Samuel told him that if he'd have just done the "Flubber" project that Samuel did for his 3rd grade Science Project, he wouldn't have run in to such problems. (Samuel's remarks went a bit like this: "You're just not very creative....my science project was marked so high because it was just so creative.") So, there you go, Benjamin's sure that 'Flubber' is the answer. I'm just cringing remembering all the 'Flubber' I had to get out of my carpet when Samuel did his project! Oh well, here we go again!

*****David has discovered that he can, indeed, read! Wahoo! This was discovered last week on Thursday as we were getting ready to go to Logan for lessons after school. David was doing his usual disgruntled routine of, "Oh well, you just hate me, noone likes me,......etc, etc....." because I hadn't brought the right snacks, or said the right thing, or whatever sets him off------I wish I knew and I'd definitely work at not setting him off! So, I could see a disaster coming with him annoying us all the way to Logan and carrying on this dialogue with his teacher, so we made a detour to the library. We picked up 3 packs of AR books and I told him to get reading. Of course, he started on his usual, "I can't read, noone thinks I can read, you just hate me, noone likes me" serenade. But after offering a few death threats if he didn't open up the packs and start reading, he opened one and pulled out a book and said "I already took an AR test on this." Dig deeper! He finally found a stack that he hadn't taken AR tests on and eventually started 'reading'----which meant he would ask me every word while I was trying to drive. Finally, after swerving past a few cars, I told him that he would just have to wait until I stopped the car at Samuel's bass lesson. Well, Mr. Patience, wasn't going to wait for that, so FINALLY he started reading himself-----of course, every word was punctuated with "I can't read....what's this word?" etc. But after awhile, he quit complaining so much and his voice seemed calmer and more sure as he tried to sound out words. He finally did it! Tonight, he had the FHE lesson, so I had him select an object out of the FHE bucket (Thank you, thank you Mary!) and look at the companion lesson. He was pretty sure he couldn't read it, but after he realized I wasn't going to be able to sit still and help him with every word, he took over and read clearly to the end of the lesson! Way to go David----you are awesome!

*****Jonathan's potty training antics have already been discussed. He's had an eventful week:
**pouring a bottle of oil in the cookie dough without Mom noticing until she was baking cookies that were sailing off the pan in their own grease
**Pouring a whole bottle of seasoning salt in the taco meat just before we sat down to eat it-----yuck!
**Opening all the red jello in the house while Mom was gone and mixing it up with water to paint the house with
**Insisting on slicing his own pickles with a very sharp knife and then dropping the bottle on his foot and slicing his toe open.
These are just a few of Jonathan's antics. Of course, we're still working on the 'naughty words' that he loves to shout at the top of his lungs to get our attention also-----the soap doesn't seem to be doing much, the hot pepper seemed to make a little more of an impression, but was forgotten in a day or two. I'm open for suggestions---obviously my methods are not very successful!

*****Jacob is trying to learn to crawl but really doesn't like being on his tummy at all! He will hold up his arms and legs when he's placed on his tummy and rock back and forth on his tummy. Maybe he likes that feeling of being on an ocean rather then crawling around on the hard floor! He has reached an all time high weight of 21.5 pounds-----he is growing and trying to catch up with his brothers. He loves to clap when he's 'all done' and when he wants to play patty cake. He loves books and will gaze at them for long periods of time and protest loudly if they're taken away. He is still a cute little bug and we love him to death!

*****Jeff and Me----we are just hanging on for the ride! What an adventure every day is----not too many do-nothing, calm days. Saturday was wonderful with all of the beautiful sunshine and warmth-----can't wait for Spring to stay around! I've also been trying a nutritional program called 'Isagenix'. It is quite amazing! It is based on 'nutritional cleansing' which I thought was sort of like yoga and all those things that I don't think I have time for. But I have never felt so much energy and calm----they don't seem like they go together, but I feel like I have enough energy to get some things done (definitely not close to all, but more then before) and I feel much calmer and less up tight with myself and the kids. Plus, I don't have scales, but I did lose a total of 17 inches in 8 days, which seemed quite amazing since I wasn't starving and or doing a lot of extra exercising other then some heavy duty Spring Cleaning. We'll see how things go, but for the moment, I am impressed and feeling better then I've felt in quite awhile!

Happy Spring!

March Ramblings

Where are you Spring?

Wow, I can't believe tomorrow is the 15th of March---the days are flying by! And that's okay, as long as we get to have SPRING soon and then I'd like time to slow down for awhile so I can enjoy it. I forgot how very much I DO NOT LIKE this time of year in Mink Creek-----everything is mud colored---mud on the snow, mud on the roads, mud in the gravel, mud on my porch, mud on my car, mud on my carpet-----everything is tinged with a lovely brown color! Of course, those 'spring' tulips may have to have their 'spring' in July by the time the 7 feet of snow melt off my flower beds! I guess we might have to go out there and help the snow melt or move or something so that we can see if there is actually life under there!

We had a wonderful trip to Cedar City at the beginning of the month. The purpose of the trip was to attend the Southern Utah String Festival (yes, my kids were thinking....another one!?!) In my efforts to consolidate trips, schedules, etc., I thought it would be great if we started our trip at 6:30 in the morning so that we could drop Joseph off at Driver's Ed for an hour, proceed to Logan to do violin/bass/viola lessons, tour the Draper Temple, visit my sister, and get to Cedar City in time for dinner. You'd think I'd learn that things do not just fall into place and that there has to be a catch to it if it does seem that things are working out!

The first 'catch' was that I was absolutely dead on Thursday night and then Jacob had a very bad cold and wouldn't sleep, so I held and rocked him until about 12:30 that night. Then I thought I'd put in a load of wash before I took a 2 hour nap and realized that I'd forgotten to wash everyone's Sunday clothes and that we'd need them washed and pressed for the Temple Open House and the String Festival. So, the 2 hour nap was scatched and instead marathon washing, ironing and packing went into effect.

The second 'catch' came when I started loading things in the car. I was quite impressed with my 'compact' packing of everyone's stuff in their backpacks. But......I forgot one very important thing! We had to take the Bass with us to Cedar City.....argh! Why did I let Samuel play this instrument anyway? So we got to repack the car, and cram everybody into the left over space. Ben had to sit with his neck crooked to one side so it didn't hit the Bass scroll and I think Samuel had to hold my suitcase on his lap all the way to Cedar City.......but I kept reminding him when he protested------'You could be holding that Bass on your lap, ya know!'

The third 'catch' came when my two darling boys let their violin/viola teacher's dog out of the house to play with him----that is, until they lost interest and got back in the car as the dog ran away. So....instead of a well-timed exit from lessons, we spent 30 minutes looking for the dog, which ended up being in the backyard-----go figure!

So, the fourth 'catch' came when we realized we weren't going to make it to the Open House at the time we had tickets for. A quick phone call to my sister assured us that we'd probably be okay to change our clothes at her house first and then head over to the temple. It did work out okay----yey! The only catch came when we boarded the buses at the chapel to go to the temple---somehow Jeff, Jacob and Joseph did not make it on the bus, so we had to wait for them at the entrance to the Temple. This would have been al well and good, except for the fact that there were a couple of picketers right on the entrance that we had to stand next to in order to watch for Jeff and his crowd. Benjamin, Samuel and David were coming a little unraveled when they read the 'classy' signs of the picketers, such as "josephlied.com." It was all I could do to hold them back from belting them one. The nice usher handing out brochures, could see my predicament as I held on to them and came to my rescue when he asked the boys to pass out the brochures as everyone entered the tent. David was quite ecstatic! Our little group finally got together and we preceded into the Temple. As I looked at the brochure, I noticed it said, 'silent tour.' I winced and wondered how 'silent' we could keep everyone. Actually it turned out better then expected and the boys were quite taken with the beauty and peace of the Temple. Joseph echoed our thoughts as he said on the ride back to Mary's, "I think that was worth the time and effort it took to go." (He'd kept remarking on the way down that it wasn't worth the time and effort it was taking.)

The fifth 'catch' came as we hit Fillmore on the way down to Cedar City in the form of a Spring blizzard..........what?!? I thought there were a few 'snow flurries' predicted for Friday night. I tried to help poor Jeff out with the driving, but at this point I was having a hard time just staying awake from my 36 hour marathon of no sleep for the past 2 days! The lovely white sheets of snow lasted into Cedar City. When we called Mom to see if she needed anything she said, "I'm not sure if it's snowing on the mountain---maybe a little." Well, as we drove down the drive to her house and looked down at her driveway-----it had definitely snowed more then 'a little'. In fact, it snowed so much that we were snowed in the next morning and had to cancel our times to perform at the String Festival. Fortunately, they were kind enough to let us come in the afternoon, AFTER the snow plow dug us out!

Despite all the 'catches' in our well-laid plan, we had a great trip----the boys played great for Grandmother and Papa Joe and at the Festival, Grandmother spoiled us with wonderful food and Easter treats, the boys had a great time shoveling snow (even though we broke the Snow Blower....again!!!.....sorry, papa Joe!), Joseph watched non-stop soccer on TV and we had a wonderful Sunday meal prepared by Grandmother and Papa Joe (assisted by David, Samuel, Benjamin and Joseph) before heading back to Idaho. And, of course, we timed the trip perfectly so that we had a 'white-out' storm on the way back home as well. We've definitely needed the week to recover!

Just a couple of other events of Feb-March that I haven't covered were Samuel and Benjamin's amazing Basketball playoff games. Each boys' team won the 'title' for their age division. Benjamin's team even went undefeated all season-----go Ben and Sam---you were awesome! Benjamin has also reached 515 AR points and earned his Honors reader jewel---way to go Ben! David got his 25 AR point goal and Samuel is reading up a storm as well. Ben also received his Bear in Cub Scouting this month and Samuel received his Second-Class rank in Scouting.

Joseph, by some miracle, was able to finally get into Driver's Ed and so he is enjoying getting up at 5:00 every morning so he can be in for the 7:00 class. This wouldn't be so bad except for he has driver training after school and is in the middle of intense Play rehearsals every night until 7:00-8:00. He had to perform at District Solo Festival 2 weeks ago and this past week he was involved in the Bridgerland Honor Festival Orchestra that rehearsed intensely for 3 days in Logan (Joseph was the Concertmaster----whoo hoo!). In the midst of this craziness, track has started, and he is in deep depression that he can't attend the first meet because there is NO TIME to even go to practice. He's had Ballroom dance performances and this week he has his Board of Review for his Eagle (yey!! he's finally getting this done!). I really hope this last month is not a preview of Joseph's life for the rest of his High School days----I think this is what they call being a bit OVERSCHEDULED!

Musings on an ASTA Festival

Last Saturday 'the boys' went to Logan to play in the ASTA Festival. Although we have gone to several years of these festivals since we have lived in this area, I still can't quite figure out the point of it all.

The Festival consists of several 30 minute concerts where 5-7 kids play a piece of music in front of 2 judges or critiquers, whatever you'd like to call them. This concept is fine, except for the fact that it appears students are randomly thrown together in different rooms at different times and the poor teacher tries to sprint to all of his/her student's performances.

Here's an example: Joseph, (the most experienced at this Festival thing of 'the boys), was scheduled to play on a 10:30 recital. Here is a sampling of what pieces were played on that recital: Allegro, Andantino, Long, Long Ago, Seitz Concerto, 1st mvmnt., Two Grenadiers and then Joseph's piece, Mozart Concerto in G, 1st mvmnt. Anyone knowing anything about Suzuki can see that this is a very strange 'recital' program or matching of pieces----Book 1 30 second pieces matched with Joseph's 11 minute concerto. It just seemed a little lopsided.

Immediately after Joseph's 10:30 recital, David and Benjamin were scheduled to play in the 11:00 recital. Now, of course, David and Benjamin had been sitting through all of the 10:30 recital, ready to play. We had a program of the 11:00 recital and David was psyched that he was first----I was psyched because David was coming a little unraveled having had to sit through the first recital. But, unexpectedly, just as David was ready to go up and play, his teacher requested the hostess of the recital to put David toward the end so she can run and catch another student in another room.

David did not get this at all. All he could ascertain was that he had been sitting in a hot room, holding on to a program that said he was first on the next recital. I tried to explain the change in plans as another girl got up to play and I held David firmly in his seat. Well, David was having none of it------he started making rude sounds during the girls' piece and then he tried to wriggle out of my arm around his shoulder and kick the chairs and basically made a huge nuisance of himself. Finally, I escorted him right out the door into the hallway. I sat on a bench and tried to again explain to David why he couldn't act like an out of control 2 year old, which did little good. Finally in desperation, I took him into the bathroom and told him I was going to put soap in his mouth if he didn't stop yelling-----this was one threat I followed through on! Coughing and sputtering David finally stopped yelling long enough to say, "Why'd you do that?" After a few more moments of rinsing his mouth out, he calmed down enough to go back out in the hall. We finally went back into the room just in time for Benjamin to play and then this same lovely hostess who wrecked the recital got up and said "Well that's the end of the recital." Someone pointed out another child in the room and said they had not yet played. The child played and then the hostess again got up and tried to end the recital, another child got up and played, etc., until finally David was the only one left. He did play, miraculously, without throwing the violin or bow, and did a pretty good job----for which I was very grateful!

Anyway, at our next lesson, our teacher gave the boys their certificates and critique sheets. On the lower left hand corner of each sheet was a box for a 'score.' As she discussed each boys critique's and comments, of course, David wanted to know, so what is the 'score?" What was a good score, what was the best score, what does it mean? Our teacher replied that the score didn't really mean anything but that the comments were more valuable. I was thinking....."If the score doesn't mean anything, then get rid of it!" Because now we were going to have to deal with which boy got the 'best' score, etc. Thankfully, David received a score somewhere in the middle, which seemed to satisfy him. Thank heavens!

Anyway, at the time I thought, so if none of this really means anything, score wise---we're not working for something, we're not earning anything with the points, we're not trying to achieve any level with the 'points', then what is the point? I think our teacher was trying to get us to enjoy playing at the Festival just for the enjoyment of participation and the experience. Of course, this made me realize, uncomfortably, what type of person I am.

I had a hard time with just letting my kids have 'an experience' and enjoying whatever level they were on. I wanted them to be the best, to earn the most points, to be 'chosen'-----maybe I didn't want it for them, maybe I wanted it for me-----scary thought! Anyway, it made me think about a lot of the ways I run my life. Am I doing things to 'win the prize?', to 'have the most points', to be 'the high-scorer'? Am I perturbed and not easily placated when I can't be 'first?" Do I have a hard time being 'flexible' when I'm kicked out of the number 1 seat to hang out somewhere in the 'obscure' middle? When things don't go the way I planned, do I murmur and kick the chair? Do I need to have my mouth washed out sometimes because I can't stop complaining about the 'unfairness' of the situation? Hmmmmmmm, I am beginning to realize that some of these lovely personality traits of mine are being picked up quite easily by my children. As much as David's behavior was appalling to me at the moment, I have to say unfortunately that he's probably picked up some of his impatience and intolerance from his mother----poor child!

So why do we do ASTA? If it's not for the score, not for the 'win', not for the prestige of being number 1........can we be content with doing our best, giving our all, just enjoying the experience? Hopefully, that's what my boys will gain----to be happy with their best, be flexible with others, and love the experience! I'm proud of you guys! You did great!

Happy Birthday to our cute little Jacob!

Jacob

Wednesday was Jacob's birthday............wow, where has the year gone! I definitely must be getting old! It seems like just a few months ago we were driving down to McKay-Dee Hospital after the flurry of sending our barely day old baby on a life flight trip to that hospital ahead of us. Jeff and I sat quietly, both lost in our thoughts, wondering what we would be facing when we arrived at the hospital.

I kept thinking of the moment when I first held Jacob after he was born. Looking into his cute little face and then looking into his eyes. I remember asking Jeff, "Do you think his eyes look right?" They seemed different to me, but I wasn't sure why. I was too tired to care, just happy that the intense, fast, non-medicated labor was finally over! I remember thinking how funny it was that evening when I tried to get Jacob to nurse how he would keep falling asleep before he really got into it. I mentioned this to the nurse and she didn't say much, which I thought was a little odd. I also thought it was a little odd that I didn't hear the usual chorus of "Oh, what a beautiful, perfect, baby you have" from the nurses, like I would usually hear every time I had delivered a baby. At the time, I thought I was being a little overly sensitive and shrugged it off.

In the early morning hours, when Jacob still wanted to doze, rather then eat, the nurse got my attention when she said that if he didn't eat, they would put a feeding tube in him. I had never heard any nurse threaten this before when my babies wouldn't nurse. So I desperately asked for a formula bottle and promised to get him to drink it....which he did quite happily!

After a few hours of sleep, I awoke....happily content with my sleepy baby in the crib beside me. I got up, showered and got dressed as the nurses took him for some 'routine' tests. I waited and waited, but my baby didn't come back to my room....the doctor did. He asked me how I was in his very short 'don't mince any words' manner and then threw the ice water at me: "I think your baby has Down Syndrome...." What? My heart stopped.....I hadn't even imagined this, ....or had I? I thought of his eyes again, they WERE DIFFERENT, I knew it! I tried to pay attention to what the Doctor was saying, but my head was swimming, I thought I was going to be sick. Then I heard words like 'life flight', high bilirubin count', low white blood cell count', low oxygen saturation.....etc. There's more?!? Wasn't the Down Syndrome enough? He finally left, giving me some time to call and find my husband. I heard myself telling Jeff as soon as I heard his voice: "He has Down Syndrome. I told you his eyes were different, I told you something was different!" And then I couldn't say anymore. The pressure in my eyes, my throat, my head made me dizzy.

So what were we to do now? Well, actually, it was all laid out for us----we were going to follow his life flight, going to go to Ogden, going to find out what else was wrong, we're going to figure it out!

Suddenly, Jacob was lost to me. The sweet sleepy baby that I'd coaxed to drink all through the night for fear some nurse would stuff a feeding tube down him was gone and all I could think about were the labels----Down Syndrome, bilirubin count, heart problems, low oxygen saturation, etc.

I think I clicked into efficiency mode----give us the information, tell us what to expect, explain the problems, how long, when, where, why, how much, who can watch the kids, how close can I stay to him......It seemed that first week at the hospital was simply a blur of information, information, information, get him to eat, make him nurse, ask about the bili count, the white blood cell count, try to figure out what the heart specialist was talking about and memorize words that made no sense to me. It was a good week, a quiet week for me, being with my baby, talking to doctors, reading tons of information, talking to specialists about every aspect of an unfamiliar syndrome. Getting ready to conquer the new foe.......Down Syndrome and all of it's complexities. I had done this with Autism, I would do it with Down's. I could do it. It was my cause.

Here I sit now, a year later. My sweet little 1 year old is snuggled in his bed, playing with his pull-string toy, talking to himself as he drifts off to sleep.

I remember that Jacob has Down Syndrome when the OT comes to work with him and shows me exercises to help him learn to crawl.....oh yeah, my other babies were trying to WALK at a year, not crawl. But we are so proud that he can sit so straight and tall and play with his toys, that I can't imagine that he's really not 'in the normal developmental range.'

I remember that Jacob has Down Syndrome when the Developmental Specialist comes to my house and exclaims with delight that Jacob has met all of his goals for the year and that we'll need to be setting new goals and what would I like those to be......well, I don't know, what should they be? I suppose I need to review what 'normal' one-year-olds should be doing at this point so that I know what 'goals' are appropriate for Jacob.

I remember that Jacob has Down Syndrome when I take him to the ENT and he exclaims in delight that the ear tubes are still in place and that he has had to dig out a lot of ear wax out of those 'extremely small' ear canals that are pertinent to Down's kids. And is Jacob a 'typical' Down Syndrome child, he wants to know? Whatever is that supposed to mean---how should I know, I've only had one of them!

I remember that Jacob has Down Syndrome when Primary Children's Hospital sends me a reminder that it is time to make an appointment with the Cardiologist to check Jacob's heart again to see if they can determine where that leak is exactly........oh yeah, we used to have to carry around an oxygen container wherever we went...that seems like another lifetime ago.


But when I hold Jacob this is what I see......

a sparkle in his eye when he catches my eye and starts doing 'patty cake' before me,

an arm wrapped tightly around mine, reminding me that I am someone special in his little life,

a sweet temperament that calms the whirlwind of boy noise and tumultuousness around our house,

a round little body warming my arms when I pick him up out of his crib in the morning, and he wriggles in delight,

the way he shows excitement with his whole body----tightening his cute little limbs, opening his eyes wide and panting excitedly as I quietly try to 'shush' him during church---even though I want to laugh at how funny he is,

the funny, questioning look in his eyes when he is babbling, "Da, Da, Da" and I say, "No, say, Ma, Ma, Ma"----he stops, looks at me and then continues his "Da, Da, Da" chorus with greater gusto,

the Light and Love that I feel from him every time I hold him in my arms and give him a squeeze----he is so pure, so completely filled with love and peace,

He is Jacob-----with funny, whispy hair; soft, meek eyes; softly grasping fingers; and a gummy smile that lights up my heart.

I don't know if this is Jacob, a child with Down Syndrome. To me he is simply Jacob, my darling little baby that has filled our house with love as only he can....just as each of his brothers has done before him, with their own unique personalities and sweetness. I want him to become all that he can, all that he is destined to be. But I don't want to 'fix' him..... I don't want to 'conquer' Down Syndrome. Instead, I want to walk hand in hand with it until I understand all that I can do to help Jacob be all that he is meant to be. But, for right now, he is my little Prince of peace and love.....and that is not 'normal' .........but it is perfect!

I love you, little Jacob! Happy Birthday, big boy!

Wow-----where has the time gone!?!

I keep meaning to post some perfect post that will make up for the fact that I didn't send out any Christmas cards this year and am still removing frozen lights from my front porch. Since it's the end of January, THE VERY END!, I think I will do a Valentine's 'card' instead and maybe I will think of some way to incorporate the porch Christmas lights to Valentine lights---perhaps spray painting them red would help? I'm not sure I'm up to the innovativeness of my friend, LuWenn, who spray painted her pumpkins to make a snowman decoration. But I'll give it a try.

I met a girl in our ward up here who would entrance me with her tales of going to the grocery store and getting 'free' stuff. She made it all sound so simple, I thought, I have a brain, I should be able to figure this out. Well, I do have a brain, but for some reason it is not in top condition, which is what every good coupon clipper needs, I think. I entered the world of coupon clipping ready to conquer all and show my good husband what a thrifty wife he has. So I started with a simple Albertson's sale. Let's see, you buy $20 worth of certain items and you get $5 to spend on your next transaction. Should be a piece of cake. Well, the trick I learned from Sarah, was to get the first transaction to be discounted with your bunch of coupons and then to use still more coupons and the $5 on the next transaction so that it came out practically free. See....there is a hitch here. It sounds good on paper, I figured out all of my 4 transactions that would be discounted using multiple coupons and the $5 Albies would give me and I would be sitting pretty. Well, here's the hitch......when you get this all figured out on paper so that you can waltz into Albies, pick up the items, stack them into 4 separate piles (amidst disapproving stares from fellow shoppers and the cashier), you never figure that Albertsons will be sold out of that item, because everyone else in the valley is doing the same thing you are! So then you have to grab your coupon book (which used to be a photo album in it's better days) and rummage through it to figure out how to get to your $20 again with items that you truly need, have a coupon for and can find in the store. The planned 10 minute escapade turns into an hour of thinking, re-thinking, pulling your hair and wondering if your kids are still watching the movie you put on in the car (when you promised that you'd only be 10 minutes in the store) or if they're running loose in the parking lot! Wow, stress level goes up! You get it eventually, but wonder.....did I really need that, did I save enough to justify all this hair falling out?

I have to say, though, that I was so proud of my 75 boxes of cereal that cost $1 or less that I had to invite everyone who walked through the door to come and view the masterpiece so carefully laid out in my food storage room. BUT when I thought I'd gotten a deal on Velveeta cheese last week at Smith's (which we usually don't eat, but was a deal, so I'm sure I could find recipes somewhere!) and then looked at the Albertsons ad the next day that said I could have bought the same crackers that I'd bought at Smith's for $1 less AND get FREE velveeta cheese, I thought I'd cry----and I did dream about it all night long----must be my subconscience trying to figure out how I could screw up so badly!!

I hope the learning curve get's easier. Some things have worked well, other's haven't (big oops!), I've spent a little more then normally, but in general I think my food storage is in better shape. When I have another minute between Jacob's non-sleeping ear infection moments, then I will write down some of the tips I've learned. It definitely has been an adventure and something new to learn and try. I didn't know I could get teary about the 6 cans of Glade Air freshner I got for FREE---wow, they look so beautiful all stacked next to my 75 cent shampoo bottles! I did it, I finally figured out how to get FREE ITEMS! So now I can smile smugly at people and tell them that you can get FREE stuff out there if you just work at it a bit (ha, ha, ha!).

However, in the midst of feeling guilty for spending so much time trying to figure out the silly coupon saving bit and then feeling bad that I didn't get the best deal around, a friend of mine sent me this email that I thought was so beautiful---so I thought I'd share!

Interview with God